Various States of Distress
by Clockwork Counterfeit
Summary: Alfred sends out mental letters to people while at the dentist getting a cavity filled.


**A/N**- Hello...

I needed some first-person practice for a fic I'm planning, and this is what I managed to come up with. So here you go! Tell me how I do with voice and POV?

Also, this is AU and the dentist here is no one special.

* * *

Dear Self,

I am at the dentist. Apparently I have a cavity in one of my molars. I, for one, think that's bullshit. Why would a gorgeous and courageous hero like myself have cavities?

The room is white all around. Square tiles make up both the ceiling at the floor, and large windows are covered in bright white blinds, blocking my view of the outside world. A television plays the news at a low volume. Current status: weather forecast, partly cloudy. Machines are everywhere. One shows x-rays. The demon they plan to exorcise is highlighted in gray. Other include various tubes and tools and a set of flavored toothpastes colored brown, green, and pink. The dentists are walking in now.

I think I've set the scene.

Completely calm and normal and not scared,

Alfred.

* * *

Dear Matthew,

They are currently a shot of something. I think. Maybe. They've been keeping all still with this needle in my gums. There's something in the background going _beep_ every now and then.

I'm pretty sure it's my heart rate slowing down.

If they are in fact injecting poison into my system, please take up my sword and fight the evil in the world. And you can have my grill if you want to cook all your ham-bacon.

Possibly saying my dying words,

Alfred.

* * *

Dear Matthew,

FUCK FUCK MY LIP IT FEELS ALL WEIRD WHY IS IT SWOLLEN I KNOW IT IS THOSE FREAKS ARE LIARS PLEASE COME SAVE ME FROM THIS HELL.

I TOLD YOU THIS WAS POISON! I. TOLD. YOU.

Maybe kinda panicking,

Alfred

* * *

Dear Arthur,

Okay fine, fine, I'm cool, I'm fine.

"You shouldn't feel anything."

Wait, wait, wait, what does that mean? Arthur, they're beginning their torture Arthur, help!

It's going, like, _tap tap tap_ why are you tapping on my teeth with a drill? Why would anyone do that? You're going to make it worse just put the stupid filling in!

Why did you send me here, Arthur?

Maybe I'll calm later,

Alfred.

* * *

Dear Kiku,

THEY'RE STILL TAPPING.

But don't worry, I'm steadily getting my revenge. See, you know that mirror stick thing they use to hold the tongue back while they do their insane dentist thing?

_I'm licking it_. And there's nothing they can do about it! Ha!

These villains won't get me,

Alfred.

* * *

Dear Dental Assistant,

Fuck keeping my tongue still, I'll lick the mirror stick thing all I was so _nyeh-nyeh_.

Alfred.

* * *

Dear Ludwig,

I note that this drill currently defiling my teeth says it is made in Germany.

I knew your family was weird, like your brother who trains people to hell and back, and your weird dogs that I'm pretty sure hunt for blood, but I thought you were on the up-and-up, Mr. German Mechanic Man. I guess some of the things Feli said were true after all.

I will be investigating this,

Alfred.

* * *

Dear Self,

Does this ever end?

Alfred.

* * *

Reply to Self,

No.

Alfred.

* * *

Dear Ivan,

I bet the dentists are scared of you. They keep picking at my teeth with a hook and dabbing shit in it like it's supposed to help. Can you get me out of here?

Think of it as a complement,

Alfred.

* * *

Dear Francis,

I want you to deliver my dying messages.

For Matthew, make sure you tell him once again to take up my sword.

For Arthur, tell him I accidentally used the Kirkland's old, ratty couch in a bonfire with Gilbert, Mattie, and Antonio. I swear, Gilbert said he would never miss it. Actually, just blame it on Gilbert. So he doesn't curse my grave and all.

Um… you can have all my games?

With my second set of last words given,

Alfred.

* * *

Dear Dentist,

Quit asking me to bite things.

"Can you close your teeth normally?"

I was able to do that before you started your tappy-tap-tap drilling.

"Anything hurt?"

My feelings.

"Well, Mr. Jones, it seems like you'll be fine. There's a form on your way out you need to fill regarding your wisdom teeth. You should get them removed before they become a problem."

In conclusion,

I'll have to come back.

[Endless profanity] Why would you do that to me?

I'm eating a burger the minute I'm out of here. And you can't stop me, Mr. Dentist! It's gonna have cheese and onions and pickles and tomatoes and—oh, I should get some mini-burgers! It's like eating a lot of burgers at once! Whoo! Or maybe like a half-pound with bacon and swiss and barbeque…

Anyway, stupid dentist man, I'm totally done with you!

Sincerely,

Alfred.


End file.
